Guns, Roses, and Gaga
by Miranell
Summary: To win over the curvalicous Lauren Puck is forced into wooing Kurt. Only Kurt doesn't find Puck attractive. Will Puck fall for Kurt through the wooing series? Will he finally get to second base with Lauren? Is Kurt really straight! Find out!


**Notes:** First off, to those who are following me from my 'Never Been Kissed: What If' fanfic, Yaaaaaaaay! =^-^= I hope you all enjoy this one as much as the last one. But like most stories, this one will probably never be as good as the first. For those of you just starting this story, you should also read my other fanfics! Those of you who are die hard Puck and Kurt fans, try reading my Kurt and Karofsky one, I have turned many towards my dark side. Hu hu hu! Haha! =^-^=

Chapter 1: I Made Puck Gay?

_This is wrong...On so many levels. ...It's so wrong that they haven't even MADE a level for it yet!_ Kurt thought, as he stared wide eyed at Puck. Puck crossed his arms with an annoyed sigh, leaning to the side to lean against the lockers. Slowly Kurt blinked and licked his lips. "Let me get this straight..." He said slowly, trying to control his voice so as not to sound panicky. "You...want me to...go out with you?" "Yeah." Puck said with a shrug. "Why is that so hard to believe?" Kurt arched a brow at him. "Oh cause, I don't know, you used to throw me into _dumpsters?_ You _slushied_ me! You threw _pee balloons_ at me! You nailed my lawn furniture to my _roof!_" Puck grinned at the last one. "Yeah that was a pretty good one."

Kurt scoffed and turned away. Puck grabbed his arm, stopping him. "Look. I'm sorry, okay? But that was a long time ago. We've become...friends now. Haven't we?" Kurt didn't speak. THIS is what happens when he comes back to visit his friends at McKinely? _Oh Gaga...I made Puck think he's gay?_

XoXoX

_A few months ago_

Dave slammed his hands onto the lockers angrily after Kurt had pushed him away. Standing there staring at him in shock, disgust, and fear. Dave stormed out of the locker room, nearly knocking Puck over, who had been about to enter. "Hey! Watch it Karofsky!" Puck snapped. "Fuck you Puckerman!" Dave snapped back. Puck scowled. He would happily go and beat Karofsky up, but he needed to grab his gym shorts. If he forgot them again, which he would somewhere between his fists flying and his fists hitting Karofsky's annoying face, his mom would KILL him.

Puck entered the locker room to see Kurt standing there, tears in his eyes as he trembled slightly. Puck looked at him with a slightly concerned frown. Kurt wasn't one of his favorite Glee Club 'friends' (The word was still foreign to him. Like vegetable...foreign.) and the kid still didn't trust him from his dumpster diving days. But the guy looked like he was either gonna be sick or cry. Puck moved over to him, "Kurt? You okay?" He asked, reaching out he put a hand on Kurt's shoulder. The smaller boy didn't look at him but he did flinch away. Puck's eyes drew up in more concern. "Kurt?" Slowly Kurt looked at him. He brushed his tears away furiously. "Sorry..." He muttered.

XoXoX

Puck didn't know what was wrong with Kurt, the guy never told him. But slowly the two could stand being near each other. And when Puck found out...he was even more pissed because he was on fucking probation! WHAT THE FUCK? One of his sort of but not really friend's just had his life threatened and he couldn't even fight for him! This just...it was...COCKSUCKER! And just like that...the gay kid was gone. Now Puck didn't really know what to do. At least...not until Lauren happened.

The big almost sumo wrestler type girl with the attitude to kill...she was SOOOOOOO his type! But she didn't want anything to do with him. Like...ever. To say that it was a blow to his ego was an understatement. But he REALLY wanted her. If she was _that_ good of a kisser and had that attitude, then who knew what she would be like in bed. He obviously hadn't been giving fat chicks their due. Because this girl was so totally and completely worth the pain he was going through.

Eventually, after a little while, Kurt met up with al lthe Glee Kids for coffee. They pretty much took up the entire cafe as they all sat and talked. Kurt was sitting with Blaine and making googly eyes at him, which Blaine didn't even seem to notice. Puck knew that Blaine was gay, so he was kinda happy for Kurt. Finally liking someone batting for the same team. Maybe they'd hook up and all the other guys could relax, knowing now that Kurt wasn't interested in them like that. Lauren seemed to watch the two with huge interest.

When the group finally split up Lauren grabbed a hold of Puck's fabulously strong arm. "You ever heard of yaoi, Puckerman?" Lauren asked. Puck looked at her. "Yaoi? Is that like...a really weird way of saying owwie or something?" he asked, looking confused. Then he smirked, moving closer. "Or is it code for you wanting to hit up on this?" He asked, arching his brow seductively. Lauren rolled her eyes. "No. It means hot sexy sweaty guy on guy sex!" She said. "Oh." Said Puck. And then realization dawned on him. "Oh hell no. I'm not watching that!" He said. Lauren shook her head. "No. But...nothing makes me hotter than watching two guys make out...grope each other...things like that..." She said. Puck did NOT like where this was going...

XoXoX

_Present day_

And so, this was where they were. Puck was trying to ask out Kurt, as per Lauren's request. She wanted some guy on guy stuff, she would get it. "Come on." Puck said pleadingly. "I want to go out with you!" he said. Kurt sighed, pulling his arm free. "But Puck. You're. Not. Gay!" Kurt said, trying to make this clear to the idiot jock. Puck shrugged. "What? You don't think the Puckzilla could pull off being gay? Just look at my guns!" And he struck a pose. Kurt groaned. "What do your arms have to do with it? And I don't like beefy guys." He shrugged.

Puck looked crestfallen. "You...don't like my guns?" He said, looking a bit confused. He looked away. "I've never had someone say they don't like my arms...just look at them!" He tried to show them off again, but Kurt pushed it away. "They're amazing damn it!" Puck said. Sounding almost desperate. "Stop it!" Kurt snapped. "I'll say it again! You're not gay! It's not about pulling off being gay, you just simply aren't! You like girls!" Puck smirked and moved closer to Kurt, entering his personal bubble. "Well...you _are_ kinda girlie..." Puck said. Kurt gave him a dead look. "I might look it but I have every single body part a guy does. I get hard ons just like you do!" And with that he turned away. Puck was left shuddering with gross. He had completely forgotten that Kurt had a dick.

Once Kurt was out of sight he turned around. "Look...Lauren...I don't think I can do this." he said. Lauren stepped out of the janitors closet. "You just have to try harder." She said, sucking on her sucker. She motioned to herself. "Because if you want to get with all of this, you gotta score yourself some man booty!" And she walked away. Puck felt like crying. But he didn't. That would make him look like a pussy. He sighed. "Fuuuuuck." He muttered. How the hell does a straight guy win over a gay guy? They had NOTHING in common! Then the answer came to him. That friend that Kurt had a crush on! Gay Kid Number Two! He might know a thing or two!

**P.S.: **Slow beginning I know. But it should pick up! =^-^=


End file.
